


Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

by nerdcredred, Ocelot_l



Series: Lifetimes [22]
Category: Atop the Fourth Wall, That Guy with the Glasses/Channel Awesome
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 22:10:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdcredred/pseuds/nerdcredred, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ocelot_l/pseuds/Ocelot_l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Linkara decides that the eating habits of the team have gone too far.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

**Author's Note:**

> All works can also be found at my LiveJournal page at http://bookishlady242.livejournal.com/
> 
> Note: The hiatus is still ongoing, but please enjoy this already finished fic we never got around to posting! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! ^_^
> 
> DISCLAIMER: We do not own these characters, nor the people who portray these characters. This is meant as a work of fiction and is fair use. "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" is performed by The Eurythmics.

It was a quiet day in the base, and the team was extremely grateful for this bit of peace. 90s Kid and Linksano were sitting on the couch, happily munching on a bag of sour cream and onion chips as they watched TV, giggling loudly every few minutes in between bites. Ninja-Style Dancer was hanging from the ceiling, somehow eating a large bowl of fudge ripple ice cream while upside-down and not spilling a drop. Harvey was curled up in an armchair with his 3DS, his hand periodically reaching for a plate of ginger snaps on the side table. And Linkara was standing in the middle of the room looking at them all and shaking his head.

“Look at all this junk we shovel down our throats every day. Boffo, can you believe this?” Linkara turned to him, but the clown’s mouth was too full of gummy worms for him to even attempt an answer. He offered Linkara the bag with a smile but the hero merely frowned and walked away. Linkara went into the kitchen then and opened up the fridge and freezer, looking closely at the contents.

“Just look at all this!” he exclaimed, reaching inside for one of the many cans of soda. “There’s nothing but sugary drinks, candy bars, and ice cream!”

“Is something wrong, Linkara?” Pollo asked as he floated into the kitchen. “You sound more upset than usual.”

“I am upset,” Linkara said as he placed the can back inside and slammed the two doors shut. “I’m upset that a team of heroes who need to be ready to save the world at any time only fill their bodies with crap!” He walked over to the trashcan, which was overflowing with pizza boxes, donut boxes, take-out boxes, and cookie boxes. “How did I let this get so out of control, Pollo?”

“Well, saving the world does put a lot of stress on you all,” Pollo said, hovering closer to his friend. “I thought eating this sort of food was a method of comfort. Plus, remember your last attempt at making a home-cooked meal? It took three days to clean the kitchen. Ordering something from a restaurant is much easier.”

“Maybe that is all true, but things have gone too far.” Linkara gathered all the trash into a huge black bag and shoved it outside before turning back to Pollo. “Time for an executive decision. We can’t possibly be a good team if we’re shoveling all this junk food down our throats. We’re gonna throw all this out and start eating right for a change! Pollo, I need you to scan the house for any and all foods filled with sugar, salt, cheese, butter, and anything else that tastes delicious!”

90s Kid suddenly looked up from the TV as if he’d heard a bomb go off. Linksano turned toward him, swallowing his mouthful of chips. “What’s wrong?” The teen looked at him, and beneath his shades, his eyes went wide.

“I feel a disturbance in the force.”

\---

Linkara ignored all his teammates’ grumblings and protests – even those from Harvey, who had a sweet tooth that he often indulged – and, with Pollo’s help, ended up locking all the junk food in a cabinet under magical enchantment. Even in his haste to get rid of it, he thought it would be a waste to throw good food away. This way it was still available for special occasions. Linkara then spent the next day replacing their snacks with several varieties of juices, fruits, vegetables, and healthy foods that the team quickly found to be pale comparisons of their usual fare.

“So, this is what’s being forced down our throats during our free time?” Linksano complained as he held up a bag of soy chips.

“Hey, those are just like regular chips, only low in fat and high in protein,” Linkara replied, crossing his arms as he gave the scientist a stern look. “I think we could all stand to bulk up and slim down.”

“Maybe you could,” Linksano muttered while 90s Kid took the bag from him and shoved a few into his mouth. He chewed slowly for a moment, and then his face scrunched up in distaste.

“Ugh, nasty dude.” Linkara rolled his eyes as 90s Kid joined Linksano on the couch so they could grumble to each other and turned to his boyfriend.

Harvey studied his plate of rice cakes with a frown before picking one up and taking a bite. “Interesting,” he said after swallowing. “I’ve never eaten something that tastes like cardboard before.”

“Oh, they’re not that bad,” Linkara insisted, looking a bit annoyed that he was complaining at all. “I’m sure you’ve eaten worse, Harvey.”

“Maybe when I was in the service,” Harvey said, earning a glare from his boyfriend. “Here, you try one then and tell me your palate is dancing with delight.” He offered the bag to Linkara, who glanced at it before quickly stepping back.

“Uh, maybe later. I’m not hungry right now.” Harvey scoffed, but Linkara ignored this. “Come on, guys, can’t you be a bit more cooperative? Boffo over here hasn’t complained about me replacing his candy with raisins, so why don’t you try acting like him?” Linkara went to clap the clown on the shoulder, but recoiled when Boffo turned around to reveal a frown had been painted onto his face.

“That is one totally sad clown,” 90s Kid said with a shake of his head.

“Well of course he is!” Linksano snapped, even more upset now that he'd seen the effect of the sweets ban on his boyfriend. “No one in their right mind enjoys raisins! What on earth were you thinking, Linkara?”

“Hey, pipe down!” Harvey snapped back, instantly going on the defensive. “He’s just trying to do what he thinks is right for us all!”

“Well how nice of him to not even ask if we’d like to have a say in our own lives!” Linksano retorted, earning a growl from Harvey. Soon the two were outright roaring at each other, while Boffo honked his horn eagerly when he agreed with one of their points, and 90s Kid just stared at the bag of soy crisps in dismay. Only Ninja-Style Dancer remained out of the fray as he hung upside down with his bowl of cottage cheese, but even he was eating much more slowly than usual.

When he was finally fed up with the noise, Linkara grabbed the remote, shut off the TV, and yelled loudly, “Everybody shut up!” The room quickly fell silent as they all turned to him. “Now, c’mon, guys, we have to stop this fighting! I’m doing this for the good of the team, so that we can be in peak battle condition! We’re all gonna feel better after eating better, and we’ll be in better shape! It’ll be good for us, I promise! So can you please just try this out for a little while before committing mutiny?”

“Of course we can, Kid.” Harvey naturally sided with his boyfriend, but he still couldn’t help feeling annoyed that his sweets intake would be severely limited for the foreseeable future. Linksano sighed and threw up his hands in surrender before stalking off, muttering to himself about how to break magical enchantments, while Boffo followed along behind him. 90s Kid looked as though his world was crumbling and he gave Linkara one last pleading stare.

“Dude, can’t I just have, like, one more slice of ‘za’?”

“Okay, first of all, it’s pizza, not ‘za’,” Linkara said before he shook his head. “And second of all, no. I’m sorry, 90s Kid, but that’s just how it’s going to be for a while.” After noticing how crestfallen he seemed, Harvey nudged Linkara and gave him a look. Linkara sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll revisit this issue in one month, and if we’ve all made progress in getting healthy, and stuck to this diet, then we can have a pizza to celebrate. How does that sound?”

“Fine,” 90s Kid sighed before slumping down on the couch.

“Good.” Satisfied with himself, Linkara walked into the kitchen and over to Pollo. “So, Pollo, what’s on the schedule for lunch today?”

“I’ve prepared a garden salad,” Pollo replied before hovering close enough that only Linkara could hear him. “Should I set up a watch over the cabinet where you’ve stored all the unhealthy food? I fear it may be under attack very soon.”

“Oh, pshaw,” Linkara said as he sat down at the table to enjoy his lunch. “They might complain now and then, but I know my team wouldn’t go against my orders like that.”

\---

Two hours later, Linkara was called away from repairing one of his cybermats by a concerned Pollo.

“Now, what exactly is the problem?” Linkara asked as he followed the robot down the hallway.

“I wanted to show you what your team really thinks of your orders,” Pollo said before turning a corner and stopping in mid-air. Linkara turned as well and froze when he saw 90s Kid’s legs sticking out from behind the enchanted cabinet.

“Dude, this thing is totally magical and junk,” the teen said, grunting a little. A sudden banging sound from behind the cabinet caused Linkara to jump back a foot. “I totally can’t get through it with any of my awesome guns!”

“I can’t believe this,” Linkara whispered, his eyes narrowing as he heard several more bangs. “90s Kid is completely disobeying me.”

“Ugh, this is so uncool,” 90s Kid said before reaching his hand out and groping blindly at the floor. “Dudes, can you, like, hand me the sonic screwdriver?”

“What? He wants to use one of my most valuable weapons for this?” Linkara bristled, his anger rising. “I ought to – wait, who’s he talking to, Pollo?”

Just then Linkara heard two people as they were about to turn the corner.

“I hope this blasted screwdriver does the trick! I need to get my hands on one of those peanut butter brownies before the cravings drive me even more insane than I usually am!”

“Yeah, I know the feeling, doc. What I wouldn’t do for a butterscotch-” Harvey and Linksano froze when they came face-to-face with a scowling Linkara. “Uh, scotch, uh, I-I could really use a scotch right now! How about you, doc?”

Linksano, who’d quickly moved his hands behind his back to hide the sonic screwdriver from its rightful owner, started before nodding. “Oh, uh, right, yes, I could use one of those alcoholic beverages as well!”

“Smooth, guys,” Linkara said before sticking out his hand. “Now, would you mind giving me that back, Linksano?” Looking sheepish, the scientist handed over the device. “Thank you. Now, would you also mind following the orders that I clearly gave to you?”

Harvey sighed and reached out to touch his shoulder. “Come on, Kid, cut us some slack, will you? It’s hard to give up something you’ve loved for years cold turkey. Can’t we do this another way?”

Linkara shrugged off his hand and crossed his arms, his stern expression returning. “I can’t believe this. You guys have been through robot attacks, alien invasions, and even disappearing from the Earth, and yet you can’t handle some fruits and vegetables? I am ashamed of you all.”

Harvey had the good grace to look down as Linkara turned toward the cabinet. He grabbed 90s Kid by the ankles and pulled him out, staring down at his guilty smile with a frown.

“Oh, h-hey dude,” 90s Kid said, rubbing his head sheepishly. “I, uh, was just-”

“Save it, I already know. Thanks a lot for trusting in me.”

Without looking at any of them, Linkara stormed off back to his workshop, leaving the three to stare at each other worriedly. Then they turned to Pollo.

“Thanks a lot for that, narc,” Linksano hissed.

“I am just doing my job,” Pollo replied calmly. “If you have a problem with that, then speak to Linkara.” With that, he floated away.

“I believe that’s your job,” Linksano said as he turned to Harvey. “You’re the only one who can fix this.”

“Give me some time,” Harvey said, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “I think I have an idea.”

\---

That evening, as most of the team huddled in the living room to watch movies and eat unsalted, unflavored nuts and unbuttered popcorn, Linkara sat up in his room writing. Despite being a hero, he still had a show to do, and scripts didn’t write themselves. Normally he’d take a break to join his friends after an hour or so, but tonight he wasn’t in any mood to see them.

A soft knock on the door drew his attention and Linkara instinctively called out, “Who is it?”

“Just me, Kid.” Linkara sighed, caught between his annoyance with Harvey and his desire to spend time with his boyfriend. Eventually desire won out and he called for the other man to come in. Linkara intended to glare at him at first, but his expression grew curious when he saw Harvey was holding a white box with a gold ribbon on it.

“What’s that?”

Harvey smiled and moved closer to Linkara. “An early Christmas present. You know those fancy-shmancy truffles I like so much but can’t afford more than once or twice a year? Well, an old friend decided to send me a box today.”

“Oh.” Linkara was unsure of how to respond. He couldn’t figure out what Harvey was trying to do, so he watched him cautiously.

“Well, uh, I want you to know that I fully support your decisions, Kid, one hundred percent,” Harvey continued, tracing one finger along the edge of the ribbon. “That’s why I want to give this to you, for your little collection.” He held out the box toward Linkara.

“Oh, Harvey.” Linkara’s expression softened and he tried to push the box back. “That was a gift given specially to you. I can’t just take it.”

“It’s okay, Kid,” Harvey said, once more pushing the box toward him. “Besides, these things ain't good for the old ticker anyway.”

“But you almost never eat these,” Linkara insisted, standing up so he could properly face the singer. “Look, Harvey, why don’t you keep them hidden in your room and just have one once in a while. I know out of everyone I can trust you to practice self-control.” He smiled warmly at the older man and gently pushed the package against his chest. “Please, keep them. It’ll be our secret, okay?”

Harvey smiled back and nodded. “Okay, Kid. Whatever you say.” Linkara expected him to leave then, but instead Harvey set down the box and pulled him into his embrace. “I’m kinda surprised you’re so confident in my self-control,” he purred into Linkara’s ear before nuzzling his cheek. “You know I have a weakness for sweets…and you just happen to be the sweetest thing in the house.”

Linkara’s cheeks reddened slightly and he hugged Harvey close to him. “I don’t think the others would share that sentiment right now,” he murmured, sighing softly as Harvey’s lips found their way to his.

“Eh, they’re just sore about this whole diet business. Don’t worry about them so much. Besides, if anyone gets uppity, I’ll box their ears in for you.” Linkara laughed and kissed Harvey again. “You know, I don’t think you’ve ever had one of these babies,” Harvey said, glancing toward the package again. “You curious at all?”

Linkara, still swept up in emotions, didn’t register the question for a moment. “Hmm? Oh, uh, well sure, I guess. I like chocolate as much as the next person, so yeah I’m curious.”

“Well then, would you like to try one?” Linkara raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Really, Kid, I’d like to share them with you,” Harvey continued. He stroked a finger across Linkara’s cheek before sliding it down to caress his boyfriend’s lips. “I think you’d enjoy the taste as much as I do.”

Linkara swallowed thickly from the sensation before closing his eyes. “Uh…okay, Harvey, if you’re sure…” Harvey smiled quickly before leaning in close to place gentle kisses along Linkara’s face and neck.

“And, uh, why don’t we move into a more private setting? They say two in a tub can be crowded, but I prefer to think of it as cozy. Don’t you agree, Kid?”

“Mmm…mmm hmm,” Linkara murmured, his whole body starting to become putty in Harvey’s arms.

“And maybe once we’re all cozy under those bubbles,” Harvey continued, his voice barely audible, “we can indulge in more than chocolate, if you get my drift.” Linkara giggled as if he were intoxicated, since he pretty much was drunk on lust by that point, and nodded eagerly.

“Sounds good,” he managed to say before Harvey’s hands slid down his backside. “Oh! H-Harvey…”

“See how much fun it can be to treat yourself, Kid? If there’s something you want in life, you shouldn’t deny yourself, right?”

A warning bell went off in Linkara’s head and he opened his eyes to look at Harvey.

“…yeah, I suppose.” Harvey, who was about to start nibbling on Linkara’s ear, didn’t notice his change in expression.

“So then maybe you should rethink this whole sugar banning business… life’s too short as it is, so shouldn’t we enjoy everything while we can?” Harvey lightly bit down on his earlobe, but Linkara quickly pushed him back. Startled, the singer blinked a few times before taking in his boyfriend’s angry face.

“What is all this, Harvey?” Linkara demanded. “Were you just trying to seduce me into letting you have junk food again?”

“What? Kid, you’re talking like you just got a bump on the old coconut,” Harvey exclaimed, although he couldn’t bring himself to meet Linkara’s gaze. “I was just talking about whatever thought popped into my noggin, that’s all.”

“And your thoughts just happened to turn to the ban on the food?” When Harvey kept looking down, Linkara knew. “Oh, I can’t even believe this. I make one decision for the good of the team, and this is how I’m repaid? Never in my life have I been so insulted, so demeaned, so-”

“Aroused?” Harvey asked hopefully.

“So aroused!” Linkara stopped to blush thoroughly at that one and scowled as Harvey snickered. “That is not funny, Harvey.”

“Kid, please, you gotta understand,” Harvey tried to say. “I know you think you’re doing good here, but this idea ain’t so hot with the others, and I just want you to reconsider things.” Linkara sighed and shook his head.

“I’ve heard enough. I’m through discussing this. My decision is final and no amount of begging, screaming, threatening, or offers of bathtub seduction are going to work on me anymore.” With that, Linkara picked up the box of chocolates and handed it back to Harvey. “Here. Merry Christmas.”

“Kid-”

Harvey was pushed out the door before he could say anymore and he sighed as it was slammed in his face. “Damn it. I shoulda waited until we’d ditched the clothes. Kid can’t think straight when he’s in the buff.”

Harvey returned to the living room a few minutes later and sat down beside Ninja-Style Dancer.

*You’re back earlier than expected. Was your mission a success?* He looked hopeful as he held up his card.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Harvey replied, reaching for the bag of nuts.

“So Romeo couldn’t pull it off,” Linksano said with a cackle. “I wonder if there’s trouble in paradise.” He had to cover his head then as Harvey started chucking nuts at him. Boffo looked up from his popcorn and shot Harvey a glare.

Harvey only stopped when he noticed 90s Kid was lying on the floor, rubbing his head and looking pale. “Junior, you all right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, dude, I’m cool. Just got, like, a headache or something.” Linksano glanced at him and frowned.

“Mmm, I don’t like the looks of you, 90s Kid. Why don’t you go to bed early? If you’ve caught a bug or something, you might be able to fight it off better with a good amount of rest.”

“Okay. Later, dudes.”

*It’s unusual for 90s Kid to go to bed early without making a fuss.* Ninja-Style Dancer noticed after he’d left the room.

“It must be the shock of losing all the sweets,” Harvey said with a shrug. “He’s taking it harder than I thought.”

“Yes, it is rather peculiar,” Linksano said, rubbing his chin as he thought. “Almost as peculiar as the self-acclaimed ‘greatest romantic left in the world’ striking out with his own paramour.”

“You’d better watch your tongue,” Harvey warned, throwing more nuts at the scientist.

\---

The following morning, Linkara awoke with a yawn and was about to head for the shower when a familiar soft knock caught his attention. Knowing exactly who it was, he still called out, “Who is it?”

“Just me, Kid. Can I come in?” Harvey’s voice was weaker than usual and contained traces of uncertainty that didn’t suit the singer. Linkara frowned, still annoyed from the previous night’s events, but he couldn’t help feeling concerned and finally relented.

“Sure, Harvey, come on in.” Linkara sat back down on his bed, prepared to discuss whatever issue Harvey may be having, but his eyes widened when he saw his boyfriend enter his room with a silver tray. Upon it were several plates, bowls, a glass, and a vase containing a single rose. “What’s all this?” Linkara looked to Harvey curiously.

“Breakfast in bed, Kid. It’s my way to try and make things right between us again.” Harvey offered Linkara that crooked smile which always made the hero’s heart skip a beat before setting the tray down on the nightstand. “I’m real sorry about last night. I don’t want you hating me, so please, can you give an old fool a second chance?”

Linkara took a few breaths to try to calm his rapidly beating heart before smiling brightly at the older man. “Oh Harvey, you know I could never hate you. And you’re not an old fool, just a…middle-aged one.”

“I guess I deserved that,” Harvey muttered while Linkara laughed. “So does that mean you forgive me?”

“As long as that breakfast is void of donuts, pastries, and bacon,” Linkara replied, leaning back against his headboard and looking eagerly toward the tray. Harvey chuckled and moved it onto his boyfriend’s lap.

“Naturally. What we’ve got here is fresh fruit, bran flakes, orange juice, and whole wheat toast topped only with sugar-free preserves, no butter.”

“Looks great,” Linkara said, although his tone was significantly less enthusiastic than before. Harvey quirked an eyebrow at him, so he quickly shoved a piece of the toast into his mouth and forced a smile. “Mmm.”

\---

A few days passed and the team grew more used to their new diet. Most of the food really wasn’t so bad if they were honest with themselves. They didn’t mind the juices and fruits, since those were tasty enough, and Linkara always bought a variety of meats, vegetables, and spices to make meals interesting if not entirely delicious, but the lack of their usual sugary snacks soon started to take its toll.

“Dammit, Linksano, you always leave your gizmos lying around everywhere!” Harvey shouted one afternoon, throwing an unrecognizable object out of his favorite chair. “Pick up after yourself, why don’t ya?!”

“Oh, shut up, you washed up old hack!” Linksano shouted back, hurriedly picking his device up from the floor. “Don’t you have a show to play at a car wash or something?”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“No, you shut up!”

“Honk! Honk!” Boffo, who’d been trying to practice his juggling in peace, glared at the two and waved his horn around in an annoyed manner.

“Oh, give it a rest, Boffo, no one even finds you funny,” Linksano snapped, his patience pretty much non-existent at this point. He was rewarded with several beanbags being thrown at his head. “Honestly, what is it with you people and throwing your junk at me?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re such an easy target, Big Eyes.” Linksano glared, not enjoying the nickname Harvey used with him when he wasn’t in a good mood.

“I think your big head with its inflated ego is an even better target, Has-Been!”

“Shut up!”

“No, you shut up!”

“Honk! Honk!”

“Why don’t you ALL SHUT UP?!” 90s Kid yelled out before slamming the door to his room.

“Great, now you’ve upset 90s Kid,” Linksano groaned. “He’s already taking this loss hard enough as it is, so can’t you try and make things easier for him?”

Harvey sighed and nodded, too tired to fight anymore. “Fine, whatever you say, doc. I gotta get back to my game anyway.”

Both of them grumbled at each other and went their separate ways, leaving Boffo to enjoy the living room in peace once again. Linkara, who’d been watching this all from the kitchen, rolled his eyes and sighed. “I wish everyone wasn’t at each other’s throats,” he told Pollo, who was downloading new recipes for them to try.

“It is unfortunate, but to be expected,” Pollo said. “So, Linkara, do you still think that this decision was the right one?”

Linkara hesitated a second before nodding. “Yes, I do, Pollo. The team is going to thank me for this one day. I just know it.”

As they worked on peeling onions and crushing garlic, time passed quickly, and soon 90s Kid came downstairs with his helmet and pads on, skateboard in hand. Linkara noticed a bottle of diet soda in his hand (he had compromised and permitted that to enter the apartment) and nodded approvingly. “Goin’ out for a ride, man.” 90s Kid told him. Linkara frowned slightly as he noticed the slight slur in 90s Kid’s speech.

“You feeling okay, 90s Kid?”

“Y-yeah, man. Totally, totally fine. Just kinda dizzy, need some fresh air.” 90s Kid hadn’t left the apartment all day, so Linkara took that as a valid explanation and turned back to his preparation as the teen walked out the door. Harvey came into the room a moment later, lighting up a cigarette. Linkara put his knife down and turned to his boyfriend, frowning a bit.

“You know, Harvey, those really aren’t that good for-”

Harvey gave him a stern look of warning. “Don’t push it, sweetheart.” Linkara meekly obliged and turned back to his vegetables.

\---

Linksano was in his lab writing out a formula on his dry-erase board when Boffo walked in. A soft honk of his horn caused Linksano to spin around to face him and his expression quickly fell, his eyes downcast with shame. “Hello, Boffo.”

 _Hello, Oscar._ Linksano capped his marker and set it down, wringing his gloved hands a bit.

“I’m very sorry about what I said earlier. It’s been a difficult few days and I don’t know what came over me. I do find you funny, honestly I do, I was just-” Boffo raised a hand to silence him and started to sign to him.

 _It’s okay, Oscar, I accept your apology. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have thrown things at you. I don’t like using my knowledge of juggling for evil._ Linksano smiled a bit at the joke and Boffo smiled back, happy as always to see a brighter expression on the face of a person he truly cared about.

“Am I forgiven?”

 _Of course._ Boffo reached into his jacket sleeve and pulled out a bouquet of flowers before handing it to the doctor. Linksano blushed but sniffed them with relish, his cheeks turning as red as the tulips in his hand.

“Let’s never let junk food come between us again.”

\---

An hour or so later, 90s Kid came staggering back into the apartment, sweaty and sporting a rather large bloody scrape on his leg. Linkara noticed and immediately stood up, calling to the doctor. “Linksano! Get in here!” Linksano hurried into the room and bit his lip at the sight of the wound, quickly helping Linkara get him on the couch.

As Linksano sprayed disinfectant on the wound and placed a gauze bandage on it, he frowned at the way 90s Kid’s head was wobbling and the way he kept mumbling to himself. “Uh, 90s Kid, this is going to sound like an odd question, but have you been drinking?”

“Wha? No, man, I don’t do that ssstuff…” His speech was even more slurred and he giggled despite the pain of his wound causing him to wince every so often.

“Even if he was drinking, shouldn’t he be getting really focused and quiet, like at Christmas?” Linkara noticed the almost empty diet soda bottle in his hand and grabbed it, twisting the cap off to sniff it. He took a swig of it and shrugged.

“It tastes fine to me. I don’t get it.” He turned back to 90s Kid. “How many of these have you had today?” 90s Kid awkwardly counted on his fingers, still moving his head slowly from side to side.

“Um, like…three, I think?” Linkara got up and went to get some apple juice from the fridge, handing it to 90s Kid.

“Here, drink this. I don’t know why diet soda would have this kind of effect on you, but maybe you need a natural boost.” Linksano rubbed his chin, pondering once again, but said nothing. 90s Kid drank his juice, giggled again, and toppled off the couch.

“Linkara, I think there is something wrong here,” Pollo commented as Linkara helped 90s Kid back up.

“It’s nothing, Pollo,” Linkara replied shortly. “I’m sure once he gets some food in him, 90s Kid will be back to… whatever he calls normal.”

\---

That night they all enjoyed a dinner that Ninja-Style Dancer had cooked for them after Linkara and Pollo had finished with the vegetables. It was a sort of vegetarian stir-fry and actually much tastier than it looked. The ninja held up a sign as he handed them their bowls. *I already stick to a vegetarian diet for my training, so this is not that much of a change for me. Please, enjoy everyone.*

The team had to admit it wasn’t so bad, since the sauce on it was tasty and Ninja-Style Dancer had proven himself to be a good cook. However, everyone had limits, and at one point Boffo honked his horn and pointed somewhere over Harvey’s shoulder. As everyone turned to see what he was looking at, Boffo hastily shoved some of the broccoli pieces from his bowl into the singer’s. When Harvey looked back down at his bowl, he pursed his lips and looked pointedly at the clown, but Boffo continued eating with an innocent smile on his face.

“Wish I’d thought of that…” Linksano muttered as he poked at his own broccoli. 90s Kid, who was drenched in sweat despite having taken a shower right before dinner, picked up his fork and groaned.

“I totally hate broccoli, dudes,” he said, almost choking as he swallowed a piece.

“It’s not that bad,” Linkara said, pushing a bowl toward him. “Try dipping it in this sauce, 90s Kid.” The teen did as instructed, but somehow managed to drop his fork in the process. Linkara shook his head as Pollo hovered over with another one.

“You’d better eat up as much as you can, 90s Kid. You’ve certainly been weak today,” Linksano instructed as he observed the teen. “You’re looking somewhat pale, too, and dehydrated for some reason.”

“I don’t feel so good, man…” 90s Kid groaned, wiping some sweat from his forehead. He ate the rest of his broccoli and actually managed to finish most of his dinner, but eventually he moaned and shakily got to his feet. “I think I’m gonna go, like, lie down or something…head is killing me…” Harvey worriedly watched him go and turned to the others.

“I don’t like the way Junior’s been acting lately. It’s like all this stuff has been making him sick.” Linkara shook his head at that statement.

“It can’t be. There’s no reason for him to be getting sick. All we’ve been eating lately is healthy stuff.”

Linksano held up a piece of onion and studied it. “Hmm, perhaps it’s undercooked?”

“I don’t think so. I mean, if this meal wasn’t cooked properly, then why aren’t we all getting sick?” Linkara replied. “I still think he’s just getting used to a diet that’s actually good for him.”

“Well, he was pretty much addicted to the junk food we used to consume,” Linksano agreed, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “But actually he always seemed quite healthy, and he got quite a lot of exercise thanks to his skateboarding and roller-blading and all that. I suspect this sudden change in comestibles is solely the problem. After one goes without something they’ve been indulging in for some time, it’s definitely a shock to the system. 90s Kid may simply be going through withdrawal. Perhaps taking him off junk food cold turkey wasn’t the right way to go.” He looked pointedly at Linkara and the hero rolled his eyes.

“Oh please. No one gets sick because they stopped eating garbage. I think we’re over-thinking this. 90s Kid is probably getting the flu or something. You know how he hangs out with a bunch of kids and goes a lot of places they go; he must’ve brought it home with him.” Linkara swallowed the last of his meal and stood up, refusing to believe any possibility that his decision had caused an actual problem. “We’ll just let him sleep tonight and in the morning we’ll see if he feels any better. I bet plenty of juice and rest is just what he needs.”

“If you say so…” Linksano murmured, absent-mindedly looking up the stairs at 90s Kid’s room.

\---

Harvey yawned and brushed a piece of lint from his black silk pajamas as he stood in the kitchen helping Linkara make breakfast the next day. Ninja-Style Dancer was handing Linkara ingredients from out of the fridge and Pollo was setting the table. They all paused when they heard a loud thump come from upstairs.

“What was that?” Harvey muttered, walking out into the living room. The only person upstairs was 90s Kid, Linkara was uncomfortable to admit. He watched anxiously as Harvey called out from the bottom of the stairwell. “Junior! You alright up there?” There was no answer.

“90s Kid, you okay?” Linkara called out. Still no answer. They shared a worried look and Harvey started up the stairs, Linkara hot on his heels. They opened the door to 90s Kid’s room and found the pale teen lying on the floor, still in his pajamas which were now drenched in sweat.

“Oh dude…m-my legs…don’t work…”

“90s Kid!” Linkara ran to him and took him in his arms, pulling him into a sitting position. “Go get Linksano!”

Harvey raced down the stairs and found the scientist in his laboratory working on some indecipherable blueprints. He tapped him on the shoulder rapidly. “Doc, you better get upstairs right now, something’s wrong!”

Linksano, still grouchy with the singer, batted his hand away testily. “You look like a nervous father. What is it? Has Linkara gone into labor?” Harvey shot him an angry, impatient look and dragged him by the arm to the stairs.

“Hurry up, it’s Junior! I think he fainted!” Linksano’s expression turned serious and he quickly bounded up the stairs. Linkara had managed to get 90s Kid back into bed, but he was shaking now and he looked as though his breathing was becoming labored. “The Kid thought he had the flu, do you think it might be that?”

“I don’t think so.” Linksano examined him closely, seeing 90s Kid’s eyes open. “90s Kid, I’m going to ask you a question. Think carefully before you answer: can you ever remember feeling this way before? Weak and tired and intoxicated all at once?” 90s Kid swallowed and closed his eyes a moment as he thought. Then he answered in a low voice.

“Um, y-yeah, I think so. B-back when I was visiting my aunt and uncle on their farm for a few weeks…I was totally little, like 7 or 8… and I got sick too… the doctors were, like, totally confused cuz I shoulda b-been fine…”

“Okay, splendid job,” Linksano said, smiling proudly at the teen. “Now, another question. What sort of farm was it?” 90s Kid took a few wheezing breaths before answering.

“Like, no animals… only plants and junk…they grew all this stuff that was or… or..”

“Organic?” Linksano suggested.

“Yeah, that. They only ate, like, stuff like that. Totally natural food stuff, like t-tofu and soybeans and stuff… I always felt really sick and junk when I ate it… it f-feels like that…”

“I see. Now, I just have one more question for you. How did you recover from that illness back when you were a child?” 90s Kid scrunched up his face a tad as he thought.

“Uh, I f-finally went home… and someone gave me… a grilled cheese sandwich… and it, like, made me feel better… so I ate another one… and I was totally cured and j-junk.”

Linksano nodded and considered this a moment. “Yes… it’s just as I assumed.” The others looked at each other in confusion.

“Wait a minute,” Linkara slowly said. “Are we supposed to believe a grilled cheese sandwich possesses some sort of magical healing properties, Linksano?”

“Not exactly, but I promise I will explain when I return.” Linksano stood then and patted 90s Kid’s hand, deciding to finally put his hypothesis into action. “Stay here and page me if his condition worsens. I’m gonna get some things from the lab.”

\---

When Linksano came back, he had what looked to be a scanner under his arm and a plastic bag in his hand. Ninja-Style Dancer and Boffo had come up to see what was going on, and they were busily wiping the sweat from 90s Kid’s brow as he moaned. Linksano snapped on the scanner and waved it over him, looking at the results. “That’s very odd… just as I suspected…”

“What is?” Linkara asked him. Linksano put the device down.

“He doesn’t appear to be sick, at least not in the normal sense of the word. It’s completely unlike anything I’ve ever seen. But I think I have an idea as to why…” Linksano rummaged through the bag and pulled out a bottle of Coke and a candy bar. Linkara looked at the items, incensed.

“Hey! Where did you-”

“Oh, you can be outraged later!” Linksano snapped. “Right now shush and let me help 90s Kid!” Linkara pouted slightly at being scolded, but fell silent and watched as the scientist worked. Harvey squeezed his shoulder in a show of support and Linkara shot a small smile up at him.

“Help him sit up, and keep his head steady.” Boffo and Ninja-Style Dancer did as the doctor ordered while Linksano unscrewed the cap off the soda bottle. He held it up to 90s Kid’s lips and watched him drink from it for a moment; then he unwrapped the candy bar and gave him a bite.

Harvey and Linkara were amazed to see that the color actually started coming back to his cheeks, and his sweating visibly started to lessen. Linksano handed the items off to the others and they continued to offer them to 90s Kid until he could sit up on his own. Beaming brightly, Linksano snapped the scanner back on and grinned as he saw the results. “Just as I suspected! How marvelous!”

Linkara turned to him, perplexed. “What is? What happened?” He glanced at 90s Kid again. “He looks better. How did you do that so quickly? Was there a special medicine in that soda or candy bar?”

Linksano shook his head. “Not at all, Linkara. You’re actually going to find this difficult to believe, but I swear to you, everything I’m saying is one hundred percent true!”

“All right, go ahead,” Linkara said, nodding at him.

“Well, as it turns out, 90s Kid is a very interesting specimen! For some reason, his body actually requires the worst foods in order to function! Anything covered in sugar and salt and grease, that’s been deep-fried or dipped in chocolate, anything with melted cheese! It’s what his body needs or else!”

True to Linksano’s prediction, Linkara was staring at him in utter disbelief. “You’re telling me 90s Kid has to have fatty, sugary foods in his body or else? Or else what?”

“He shuts down!” Linksano exclaimed, cackling again. “It’s remarkable, really! His body cannot handle substances meant to be good for human beings! The diet soda he consumed caused a sensation similar to intoxication because it did not contain the necessary sugars he requires. The fruit and vegetables and other healthy things he consumed made him extremely ill! I’m positive it was this which was causing his body to malfunction. 90s Kid is in good health all of the time due to his healthy enjoyment of outdoor activities and his love of snack foods!”

“That… that… that’s just… impossible!” Linkara threw up his arms in exasperation and turned to the others. “Come on, back me up here, guys. There’s no way that can be possible, right?”

“Uh, well, I dunno, Kid,” Harvey said with a shrug. “I mean, we’ve seen stranger things than this like alternate universes and all sorts of magical mumbo-jumbo. Compared to that, is this really so hard to believe?” The others nodded, seemingly in agreement, and Linkara looked back to 90s Kid.

“Aw dude, I feel so awesome!” He jumped out of bed and dove for his closet. “I’ve gotta get dressed and, like, make up for all the shredding I lost!”

Linkara sighed and shook his head. “All right. I surrender. If 90s Kid needs junk food, then I’ll open the cabinet.”

*And if you were wrong about 90s Kid, then maybe you were wrong about us as well?* Ninja-Style Dancer looked at him curiously, as did the others.

“Yeah, sure.” Feeling completely defeated, Linkara turned toward the doorway where Pollo was hovering. “You heard the people. Stop the enchantments, Pollo, and let them eat cake.”

The group let out a loud cheer and Harvey bent to kiss his boyfriend’s cheek, grinning at him.

“We knew you’d come around, Kid.”

\---

The next day, everyone’s spirits had brightened and 90s Kid was completely back to his old self. The bickering had stopped and even though Linkara was still disappointed that his decision had apparently been the wrong one for the group, some good had come from the past few days. The team had agreed to compromise and eat a little better, as long as they were given room to enjoy themselves too. So it was no surprise for Linkara to walk into a room and see Linksano munching on apple slices dipped in chocolate or Boffo with a bag of trail mix containing nuts, pretzels, and plenty of M&Ms.

Linkara still couldn’t help feeling annoyed with how everything had turned out, so he tried to bury himself in a comic and ignore everyone for a while. It didn’t take long for Harvey to notice his pouting, though, and he turned off his 3DS before grabbing one of his prized truffles from the candy dish on the coffee table.

Linkara was surprised as he found that truffle being carefully placed into his open mouth, feeling the sweet chocolate melt against his tongue. Harvey put an arm around him and smiled, leaning in to murmur into his ear. “You know, you kinda had the right idea with some of this.”

“Oh?” Harvey gave him the lopsided grin he knew his boyfriend couldn’t resist.

“Yeah. That brilliant mind of yours is always turning out good ideas. You just need a little finesse, Kid.”

“Thanks, Harvey. I’ll keep that in mind.” Linkara was about to go back to his comic when he felt soft lips on his ear once again.

“I was thinking maybe tonight I could make up for last time,” he purred, smiling as Linkara closed his eyes and shuddered. “Why don’t we light some candles, run a hot bubble bath for the two of us, maybe bring in the rest of these truffles, perhaps some strawberries… sound good to you, Kid?”

Linkara blushed but his smile obviously revealed how much he liked the idea. Harvey pulled him close and kissed him deeply, and Linkara decided that perhaps a little sweetness was good for a leader to indulge in now and then. After all, he never did admit that he was wrong. He just changed his mind due to popular demand, that’s all.


End file.
